What Tsuzuki Said.....
by Keri-chan
Summary: Tsuzuki says something cruel in an arguement with Hisoka....What will happen when he realizes what he's done???? (CHAPTER 2 UPLOADED)
1. What he said.....

What Tsuzuki Said  
  
  
  
Okay….I did it again. I TRIED to write a Tsuzuki X Hisoka oneshot and ended up with a Tsuzuki X Hisoka X Hijiri……WHY ME!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh…I took some liberities with this one. For example, Hijiri's a Shinigami…Just to let you know. How he died will come in later parts…….  
  
Gomen….It was in my head and was BEGGING to be written! Sorry!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
(Tsuzuki)  
  
We were fighting again....we always were, but we'd never argued like this  
  
before. ANd in the middle of the office, no less. Everyone was watching  
  
us...and we were both yelling at each other like there was no one else in the  
  
room.  
  
Tatsumi suddenly stepped between us, facing Hisoka. It was almost as though he  
  
were protecting me. "That is enough, Kurosaki-kun. This is not the place for  
  
this arguement!  
  
I stuck my tongue out at him from behind Tatsumi's back, knowing I was being  
  
immature and not caring. The entire argument was stupid....and I had started  
  
it. Hisoka was only defending himself. Only trying to make me understand WHY  
  
he couldn't be intimate with me yet. He wasn't ready for that yet. I knew  
  
that. But I was frustrated and was taking it out on the object of that  
  
frustration.  
  
But, dammit! Why couldn't he understand that I would never hurt him!?  
  
Hisoka was instantly enraged. "Grow up, Tsuzuki!" he said angrily.  
  
And then I said something that I will regret for the rest of my afterlife.....  
  
"Why don't YOU!?"  
  
Everyone in the room was instantly silent. At that moment, I had wanted to  
  
hurt him....I was deliberately cruel. I wanted to wound him for the frustration  
  
he was putting me through. I thought it would be worth it.....  
  
I was wrong.  
  
The look on his face when I said that was enough to break my heart. How could  
  
I have been so heartless? I'd never seen so much emotion on Hisoka's face as I  
  
did in that moment.  
  
There were tears in his eyes and it was obvious he was speechless. He angrily  
  
scrubbed his arm across his eyes, running out of the office. The door slammed  
  
and everyone turned to look at me.  
  
"That was uncalled for." Terazuma stated, angry at me on Hisoka's behalf. "How  
  
could you say that to him?"  
  
"I...." I whispered, sitting at my desk and burying my face in my arms. "I  
  
didn't mean it...."  
  
"On the contrary, Tsuzuki-san, I think you did." Tatsumi said. "You wanted to  
  
hurt him...and you did so in the best way you knew."  
  
"Gods...." I said, looking up at Tatsumi. "The look on his face....."  
  
"You succeeded." Terazuma said, still angry. It was no secret to anyone,  
  
except maybe Hisoka, that Terazuma had a small crush on my partner. "I hope  
  
you're proud of yourself. Bakayarou."  
  
"I will go and find him." Tatsumi stated, turning and walking toward the  
  
doorway. "I suggest you all get back to work. Tsuzuki-san, I would like to see  
  
you in my office after I find Kurosaki-kun. Go there now."  
  
I did as I was told, feeling completely miserable. How could I have said  
  
something so cold to him? Why had I lashed out at him like that? And in the  
  
middle of the office no less? What the hell was wrong with me?  
  
I would make this up to him. I had to. I loved him. I could wait. I was  
  
just being--well--a man about this. I had to start taking his feelings into  
  
account. Stop being so selfish.  
  
That is exactly what I intended to do.  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Tatsumi)  
  
I never thought Tsuzuki-san was capable of being so cruel.  
  
I'd only come into the arguement when one of the other Shinigami told me that  
  
Tsuzuki and Hisoka were outright yelling in the main office area. I'd come to  
  
stop it, believing it to be nothing more than the normal arguements that they  
  
had. Tsuzuki-san insisting on food while Kurosaki-kun would call him an idiot  
  
and tell him to get back to work. Perhaps Tsuzuki had gotten tired of  
  
Kurosaki-kun's endless insults. I would have.  
  
I'd only come into the room when the boy in question was pushing Tsuzuki's hand  
  
off of his shoulder. I didn't hear much of the conversation.  
  
"Leave me alone! Why do you always have to touch me?" Hisoka was saying,  
  
roughly slapping Tsuzuki's hand away from his face.  
  
I knew that Tsuzuki only did that when he wanted to comfort someone, especially  
  
Hisoka. But if they had been fighting before, there was bound to be some  
  
residual anger on Tsuzuki and Hisoka was bound to feel it. Now that I think  
  
back on the situation, I realize that he was only trying to protect himself from  
  
Tsuzuki's anger.  
  
"Why are you always so cold, 'Soka?" Tsuzuki said back, looking crushed. "I  
  
just want...."  
  
"I know what you want!" Hisoka yelled, "And you just can't accept that I'm not  
  
ready yet! Why can't you just give me time?"  
  
I only stepped in to stop what would have been said after that. This was  
  
something private....It should be discussed in such a setting. Not here where  
  
others were bound to hear.  
  
"That is enough, Kurosaki-kun!" I stated firmly, stepping between the two of  
  
them. "This is not the place for this arguement."  
  
Hisoka had looked at me angrily, obviously believing that I was taking  
  
Tsuzuki's side in the arguement. His eyes suddenly flicked to Tsuzuki, who had  
  
probably done something behind my back.  
  
"Grow up, Tsuzuki!"  
  
"Why don't YOU?!  
  
Even I was completely taken aback at that comment. I never thought Tsuzuki  
  
would say something like that to Hisoka. Never an attack on his age. It wasn't  
  
his fault that he had been killed so young. Sixteen....I almost wanted to find  
  
a way to let him become his true age.....but we all knew that it was impossible.  
  
But I never thought.....  
  
I watched the boyish figure run from the room, obviously in intense pain. Such  
  
a cruel thing to say.....  
  
Now, as I walked down the hallway in search of Hisoka, I knew that this could  
  
be something that could not be fixed in Tsuzuki's usual way. Holding Hisoka and  
  
apologizing wasn't going to do it this time. Something had to be done. They  
  
were causing each other pain this way. There had to be another way.  
  
"Hisoka isn't in the JuohCho."  
  
I turned to see Watari standing in the doorway to his lab, arms crossed over  
  
his chest. "He wants to be alone for a while. He went to the one person who  
  
can help him do that."  
  
"Who?" I asked, curious. Someone who could help Hisoka more than Tsuzuki? Who  
  
was this person?  
  
"Minase Hijiri."  
  
* * * * *  
  
(Hijiri)  
  
~So boring.....~ I thought, watching the television in my apartment...alone.  
  
It was a symphony of some kind, not that I cared. I wasn't really watching it  
  
anyway. I just wanted something to be making some noise while I was dozing, and  
  
this seemed to be the most pleasant thing.  
  
It being summer, I didn't have to go to school for three months...not that I  
  
went regularly anyway. I didn't have to. That and the fact I'm a Shinigami  
  
with no job....not that I needed one.  
  
Not like I wanted to anyway. I didn't have any friends. Not since Tsuzuki and  
  
Hisoka left me did I feel like being with other people. There was something  
  
about the two of them.....They were different than everyone else in my life.  
  
They hadn't wanted to be my friend because of my talent or my money...which I  
  
had alot of. Being the sole-heir to the family fortune did that for a person.  
  
They wanted to be my friend because they liked ME....the person I was. I just  
  
wished I could find friends like that now.  
  
I understood that they couldn't come to see me much. THey had their job that  
  
they needed to do and...it was obvious that they were more to each other than  
  
they let on. The way Tsuzuki looked at Hisoka...it was the way I wished someone  
  
would look at ME. WIth nothing but love and compassion in his eyes. Gods, I  
  
wish they could love me as much as they loved each other.  
  
I was completely jolted from my thoughts when someone knocked tentatively on my  
  
door. I stood answering the door.  
  
Hisoka stood in my doorway, conjured there as if just by my thoughts...though  
  
I'd never seen him look so...vunerable. He was obviously cold, arms wrapped  
  
around himself as he looked at me with expressive eyes as green as my own. How  
  
he could be cold in THIS heat was beyond me.  
  
There were dried tear-tracks on his face, telling me that he'd been crying.  
  
Something had to have seriously upset him to make him cry. Something big......  
  
"Hijiri....." he whispered, tears filling his eyes again. "I...I don't know  
  
why I came here....Gomen....I'll go...."  
  
"Oh no, you don't," I stated, grabbing his arm and pulling him into my  
  
apartment. "Get in here. You're going to tell me what has you so upset. And  
  
then...we're going to fix it."  
  
Hisoka looked at me then and I knew...It had something to do with Tsuzuki.  
  
Geez...what had he done to the poor kid? I'd never seen anyone so in love with  
  
another as Tsuzuki was with Hisoka. This had to be HUGE.  
  
I instantly hugged him...what was I supposed to do? He was standing  
  
there...looking so helpless. I felt like he needed to be protected...though I  
  
knew that he could kill me at any given moment....  
  
There's something about Hisoka that most don't seem to understand. Even  
  
Tsuzuki seems clueless about it most of the time. I do understand...  
  
Hisoka is pretty much an innocent when it comes to other people and their  
  
motives. I knew about Hisoka's past. He hadn't been loved before Tsuzuki and  
  
didn't know how to react to someone having such strong feelings toward him.  
  
Being taken advantage of...raped is a better word for this...didn't help  
  
matters. That Muraki guy--if I ever met him, I'd probably try to kill the sick  
  
bastard--had been the first true human contact Hisoka had even had in  
  
years....and most of THAT hadn't been pleasant.  
  
I could understand why Hisoka was so afraid of human contact. He wasn't used  
  
to being touched without it causing pain. He had no clue how to react to  
  
kindness. He had no experience in it.  
  
But, for some reason, he felt comfortable with me. Comfortable enough to come  
  
here when he needed a shoulder to cry on. I...was his best friend.  
  
Gods...I wish I could be more.  
  
"Tell me everything." I whispered, holding him while he cried. "And I'll try  
  
to help you fix it. I promise."  
  
"He...he said...." Hisoka said softly, his voice choked with sobs. "We had a  
  
fight."  
  
"What else is new?" I asked, sitting with him on the couch. "You two can't be  
  
in the same room without having an arguement. What happened to cause this?"  
  
Hisoka told me.  
  
"What a jerk...." I whispered when he was done. Where did Tsuzuki get off  
  
saying something like that? That was just cruel. There was no excuse for  
  
hurting Hisoka like that. None at all.  
  
Even if Hisoka were a normal, human teenager, I would understand that he wasn't  
  
ready for the physical part of a relationship. Sex...it wasn't something to  
  
take lightly. Especially for someone who was sixteen years old.  
  
However, Hisoka had never been intimate with someone without it causing him  
  
pain. There was something Hisoka had to get over before he was ready to go that  
  
far with someone. Why was I the only one who could see that?  
  
Maybe because I, too, am sixteen and having the same issues.  
  
"I just...I want to." Hisoka whispered, clutching at my shirt. "I want to be  
  
with him. Demo....."  
  
"You're not sure if you're ready for that." I finished for him, knowing how he  
  
felt. I myself had never been with anyonbge....I could only imagine what it must  
  
have been like for Hisoka.  
  
The only sexual experience that he'd ever had was with...that bastard, Muraki.  
  
"I...could talk to Tsuzuki." I suggested, knowing that this wasn't going to be  
  
satisfactory for Hisoka. "Or...you could stay here until things cool off. You  
  
know you're welcome anytime."  
  
"Hijiri...."  
  
"I don't mind." I said, smiling. ~Besides, I'll get to spend more time with  
  
you....~  
  
Hisoka returned the smile sadly. "I'll take my vacation. It'll...give me time  
  
to think, ne?"  
  
"Hai!" I said. "And...we can go and do things together. The things normal  
  
friends do."  
  
"Normal?"  
  
"We'll go to the movies, the beach....even to dinner and to clubs. It'll be  
  
great!"  
  
"I..I've never been to the beach..." he whispered. "Alright. I'll call  
  
Tatsumi-san....let him know I won't be in to work."  
  
"I...only have one bed...." I said, knowing what was coming.  
  
"Oh..." Hisoka answered. "I can sleep on the couch then...."  
  
"I can share."  
  
"Hijiri....."  
  
"I can share." I insisted, hugging Hisoka again. "It'll be just like a  
  
sleepover, ne? Just....every night." 


	2. Blurry

What Tsuzuki Said…(Part 2)  
  
GEEZ!!!!! Part 2 finally!!!….need to work on the Protégé………*sighs*. Damn it all!!!!!  
  
I've been MIA for a while…..GOMEN NASAI!!!!!! It's because of school and real-life and all that reality bullshit. Sorry this took so long to get out.  
  
Anyway, I'm sorry about the OOC thing with Tsuzuki. Someone didn't like that I kinda bastardized him….but he'll get nicer….I promise!!!!! That was just a one time thing! Honto ni!!!!!!!! I really like Tsuzuki. I really do!  
  
Anyway….like I said before….this just popped into my head. If it's REALLY bad, sorry….  
  
  
  
(Hisoka)  
  
I have always been told that I can be heartless. By everyone in my life, in fact….at least those that I cared about. I'm cold…..emotionless. I don't feel anything.  
  
Maybe it's because I was never completely understood by anyone. Even Tsuzuki, whom I love more than I've ever loved anyone, never completely understood me. Even I don't understand me.  
  
But Hijiri does.  
  
Hijiri seems to understand that I don't need anyone to make it all better. That I don't need him to say anything at all. I just need someone to be there. I just need someone to hold me…and to make me forget what was done to me….if only for a little while. He knows.  
  
That makes me feel safe.  
  
So when Hijiri asked me to stay with him for a little while, I accepted. I needed to be with someone who didn't pressure me into anything. I knew how Hijiri felt for me, but…he didn't demand anything from me. He wanted this whole thing to cool down before I went back to the JuohCho with to work it out with Tsuzuki.  
  
Maybe it's why I have feelings for him.  
  
I hate feeling like I'm being unfaithful to Tsuzuki by thinking things like this…but I can't help it. Maybe…I'm making up for lost time in trying to love a lot of people…seeing as I didn't have much love when I was alive. Maybe it's wrong….but I can't help it. I have feelings for Minase Hijiri.  
  
Well…who wouldn't? He's the kind of person that most take for granted. He's kind, sensitive, and an extremely happy person. He knows how to make you feel better when you're really down.  
  
However, he has a sense of reality that is stronger than most. Tatsumi-san had even said that he seems to be a lot like both Tsuzuki and I. A consummate optimist, but able to distinguish reality from fantasy. Tsuzuki's happiness and my cynicism. Maybe that was why both Tsuzuki and I could both relate to him so well.  
  
So when he offered to share his bed with me, I couldn't help but blush. "Hijiri….." I knew I was trying to get out of it.  
  
"I can share." He insisted, still smiling even as he hugged me once again. "It'll be just like a sleepover, ne? Just….everynight."  
  
I laid my head on his shoulder, letting him hold me for just a bit longer before I pulled away. "Hijiri, I'm….kind of hungry……"  
  
Hijiri suddenly smiled. "Pizza!!!" he stated, getting up from the couch and heading for the phone. "I'm going to order out and we're gonna eat and watch anime until we die from exhaustion! That a good plan for tonight/"  
  
I can't help but smile a little, his happiness becoming contagious.. "Hai, Hijiri." I said, watching his eyes light up. "Arigatou. For everything."  
  
"No problem!" he stated, picking up the phone.  
  
I couldn't help but be excited about this, as badly as I felt about everything that had happened today in the JuohCho. After all, I had never had the chance to be a normal teenager. This would be something new for me, as sad as that sounds.  
  
Yes….this would be nice.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
(Tsuzuki)  
  
He didn't come home last night…..not that I expected him to. Tatsumi told me that he'd gone to Earth. Where he'd gone, no one would tell me. Apparently, everyone thought Hisoka needed time to think things through.  
  
Geez! Think WHAT through!? We had a fight, pure and simple! Just like any other time…we should be able to cool off and then talk it through. This is incredibly ridiculous.  
  
Then again….the look on Hisoka's face when I made the comment about his age had broken my heart. I love him…I really do. I'm just so frustrated…both emotionally and sexually. It hurts that he doesn't trust me. I…just want to show him how much I love him. To show him that nothing that was done to him in the past could change the way I feel for him.  
  
But what happened to him in the past is surely what is keeping him from being with me in a physical relationship. I don't doubt that he loves me…but what Muraki did to him must have scared him out of ever wanting to be intimate with anyone….including me.  
  
Damn Muraki into the deepest pit of hell for that!  
  
Of course, I'd had similar experiences with Muraki. But unlike Hisoka, I knew what intimacy was supposed to be like. That is was a wonderful thing that two consenting people that loved each other could do to show each other just how much love there was between them.  
  
Hisoka didn't have the luxury of knowing that. His first true experience had been one of pain, lust, and domination. He didn't have any knowledge of what true lovemaking was supposed to be like. I just wanted to show him.  
  
But he wasn't ready to learn and me, being a typical hormone-driven male, didn't understand that until it was too late….and I'd hurt him too badly this time.  
  
I looked at the clock. 2:30am…..and Hisoka wasn't home. Usually, by now, we were curled in bed, sleeping and dreaming. I can't sleep in the bed without Hisoka here, so I'm on the couch, watching late-night TV and feeling like an all-around loser.  
  
" 'Soka…..I miss you….~ I thought, laying my head back against the pillows I'd taken out of our room. ~Come home soon. Gomen ne……~  
  
* * * * * *  
  
(Hijiri)  
  
"Ne, Hisoka-kun?" I whispered, still leaning on the mound of pillows that I'd procured from my bedroom. Hisoka was on the other side of the massive bed we'd created with pillows and blankets so that we could watch the new X TV anime on my big screen. "Isn't Subaru hot….?"  
  
When I didn't get an answer, I looked over at Hisoka to see that he was fast asleep, head resting on one of the pillows. He'd kicked the blanket off and was curled up, obviously trying to keep himself warm. He looked so cute……but he was cold, and I refused to allow that.  
  
I got out of the make-shift bed, turning the heater up before getting back in, pulling the blankets up to cover us both. I made sure that Hisoka was well covered, trying to keep him warm. I turned off the television, laying back down and just looking at him.  
  
He was still curled up, but he was slowly loosening his limbs so that he was laying flat. He was on his side, facing me and nuzzled into the pillow. Blonde locks of hair were resting over his face and he looked so peaceful that I couldn't help but smile.  
  
I reached out, intent on pushing those locks of hair away from his face and was surprised when he turned into the touch, pulling himself closer to me in the process. He probably thought that he was back in the JuohCho, in bed with Tsuzuki and cuddled up to him.  
  
Which is why I was surprised when I heard him sigh.  
  
"Hijiri…." He whispered, a soft, sleepy smile that was obviously directed at me. "Suki da….."  
  
I was floored, to say the least. No one had ever said those words to me….and even though he was asleep, I couldn't help but wonder if it was true. Did he love me….or was he just dreaming?  
  
Gods…what I wouldn't give for him to mean those words?  
  
So I let myself dream just a little, laying a gentle kiss on his forehead and closing my eyes. "Aa….Dai suki, 'Soka…."  
  
I just wish that you loved me back.  
  
  
  
OOC: Gomen!!!! I am such a tease. I know exposition sucks…but I'm going to write more….hopefully tomorrow. That would be nice, ne?????  
  
Keri-chan  
  
http://kerichan.pitas.com  
  
Keeper of Hijiri's Innocence 


End file.
